Putnam, as you can see, is my friend.
As many people know, I work in Old Town Alexandria. Putnam had been out to lunch with a friend and decided to drop in on my unexpectedly. Normally I don't encourage having friends visit at work, but today was exceptionally slow so I decided to allow it.
He grew very antsy waiting for me to finish a phone call as he waited in the office chair.
I told him it might be a while, but he refused to leave. He said he'd eaten a big lunch and if he moved he might explode. I asked what he'd eaten. He told me an 8 ounce steak from the Outback, mini burgers from Chilis, and a bowl of Vietnamese Pho. I asked how he could possibly have time to fit all that into one lunch, and he told me, "Darling, lunch is what I do." Then he asked where he might pee as the Pho was apparently kicking in.
Isn't he charming? And so helpful too. I was struggling with my printer and he offered to help, having, as a said, a bachelor's degree in printers. He did his best, but in the end, the printer got the best of him. 
Size has always been an issue for Putnam. This is, I belive, why he has always resented children so much, especially babies. So enormous compared to him, and so weak. He's very disdainful actually. I think the fact that I'm going to have one soon is the reason for his neglect to return my phone calls. I'm sure he'll come around soon.
My purpose here is merely to introduce him. He always insists on being heralded and I suppose it's his prerogative, being of noble blood and all. From now on I promise to be quiet and let his artistic genius pour forth. Whatever he says, I beg you, take with a grain of salt. He's truly cynical at times.
As a warning, Putnam really and truly believes he is from Florida, when in reality he's from a small factory in China. He absolutely refuses to believe that he isn't American by birth, and so friends know not to talk about it. When he points to the Florida on his chest and proclaims it "home, sweet home" please play along.
